"Yes, the Arcana is the means by which all is revealed...Attaining one's dream requires a stern will and unfailing determination."

Basic Info

  • Age: 20
  • Birthday: July 19 (Cancer)
  • Gender/Sexuality: Genderfluid/Asexual
  • Pronouns: they/them
  • Kintype: not entirely sure, but something dark, evil, and not of this world
  • Alignment: Dark-Chaos
  • Hobbies: creating illustrations and music, playing video games, witchcraft, sleeping
  • Special interests: Splatoon, Persona, Trauma Center

Favorites

  • Food: any pasta dish, dark chocolate, sushi
  • Drinks: any tea, coffee, root beer
  • Video Games: Minecraft, Shin Megami Tensei V, Persona 3
  • Colors: indigo, black, royal blue
  • Musicians: Sleep Token, Soaring Metal Lords, Femtanyl, Halley Labs
  • Animals: octopus, crow, cat
  • Pokemon: Goodra, Giratina, Obstagoon


"The silent voice within one's heart whispers the most profound wisdom..."

I shouldn't exist.

No, really, I shouldn't.

My mom's womb was so damaged after her miscarrage, the doctors said there should have been no way she could try for another. Yet, she tried again, and somehow gave birth to me. I'm my mother's rainbow child. I, of course, didn't come out completely unscathed, as I was born with Bell's palsy, which made feeding me a bit difficult. Later on at the age of 2, I was diagnosed with autism, and began receiving therapy for it. I didn't even start talking until I was about 3 or 4, but the first word I did say was "elephant". Even my therapist said I could probably read before I could speak. I also had a wiccaning performed on me when I was a baby by my mother's coven during the time.

My elementary school years were probably the best years I've had alive. Me, mom, and dad lived in a small apartment for most of this time. My dad had his Xbox 360, and my mom was almost always burning white sage in their bedroom (so it's quite a nostalgic smell for me). This is also when I first remember being exposed to violent media, mostly movies like the Aliens series and 300. I mostly blame this for my apathy towards violent things today. I got my first handheld console, a 3DS, during this time. My favorite games I had for it were Kid Icarus: Uprising and Sonic Colors. They really helped me cope with my mom's abusive girlfriend after my parents got divorced. I didn't have internet when I was at their new house they got, and I only occasionally got to see my dad, who had his own new girlfriend as well. I had special needs support during school, so I had and IEP as well as being able to go home earlier than the other students. I did make a few friends during this time, but we don't keep in touch and it's been years since I've last seen them.

Due to some miscommunication between my aunt and mom, I was forced to move out of my grandmother's home when I was 11. I had to choose between staying with my mom or my dad, and I chose my dad. Little did I know that it would end up being a horrible decision. My dad had found a place to say with a friend of his and her family in North Carolina, so we ended up moving several states away to be there. They were very nice to me and dad at first, letting us do whatever we wanted, and even their kids played with me occasionally. They didn't stay that way for long though. After about half a year, they started mistreating us. Their kids stopped playing with me, they started being a lot more forceful with us, and they even stopped giving my dad rides to and from work (the house was on a mountain and he worked in the city). My dad had to get his driver's license and a scooter to get places. Along with their other kids, I also had to walk to the bus stop every morning, which was half a mile downhill from the house. There was no sidewalk obviously, so anytime a car was coming down the mountain we'd have to step aside. At some point, I was forced to live in their basement, and I wasn't allowed to come up for anything except to go to school, use the bathroom, or eat. I got pretty lonely down there, and I had nothing to do but draw or read. I wasn't allowed to have any tech at all. Eventually it got to a point where the mom convinced my dad to physically punish me with a switch (a tree branch) and it left a nasty bruise on me for a few weeks. People at school saw it, but nobody did anything about it. Middle school was honestly the only reprieve I had from the abuse. Everyone there was extremely nice to me. I thankfully still have my yearbook from the last year I was there, which has a bunch of signatures from all the friends I made there. Dad and I managed to move out of that hellhole after another year or so.

Since then, I feel like my life has been relatively calm. Of course, there was the pandemic, which actually affected me pretty heavily both mentally and academically. I think it was the closest I've ever been to actually killing myself. I pulled through though, but my GPA took a big hit because I was so unmotivated to do my work. I wasn't held back, so there's that. The rest of high school though was pretty uneventful. I graduated in time with no fuss. I had honor cords I was supposed to recieve, but I never got them, and it took a few weeks to get my diploma. My life hasn't really gone anywhere. I don't have my ID, nor a license, nor a job. I'm still under my mom's control, so there's not really much I can do.

"There is both joy and wonder in coming to understand the hearts of others..."

I first got started with online social spaces when I was around 10 I believe. No, I didn't know that I had to be at least 13 to be on social media, and neither did my parents (I assume). The first social media I ever joined was Amino, specifically the Danganronpa Amino. I...honestly can't say much about what happened during this time, since I don't have many memories of the past. I at least remember this is where I got my username that I still use to this day. One of my previous usernames was Zombie Hajime, and I really loved Shuichi Saihara at the time. So I thought of combining our names, like a ship, and that's how I got Zomhara. It's pretty fucking cringe, I know, but I don't think I could change it for anything else.

I didn't use social media for some time after I moved away from North Carolina, but once the pandemic hit, I decided to join Discord. The first server I ever joined was for a Splatoon youtuber I was a fan of at the time. I don't really think I made any real friends there, but I did find my first love. Yet it hurt so much when we broke up, and it took so damn long to move on. I joined (and left) may more servers afterwards, but eventually I started to notice that people weren't very happy with me being around, and that I may have been acting out too much. So for their sake and mine, I stopped using Discord. I've considered going back many times, but I just don't think it would be the wisest thing to do. I've been sticking to Bluesky and forums since then, though I don't get much attention anymore (which is probably for the best).

I've come to realise something about myself: I am inherrently evil at heart. I try so much to struggle against my own nature, to try and be someone capable of greatness, but it's a lost cause. My body's drive to survive is stronger than my mind's desire to die, so I'm still alive for the time being. I'm sorry for everything I've done, and everything I might do in the future. I don't expect nor want your pity.

"To find the one true path, one must seek guidance amidst uncertainty..."

If you ever need to contact me for some reason, here's where you can do so:

If I ever need to make an FAQ, I'll put it here.